Mothers day

Today is Mothers day.

This morning i went to church and i went stag this time. I got there a little early because i wasn't my wearing my cool new watch so i didn't really know how i was doing time-wise. I sit down with an entire row to myself. More people file in and this super cute couple walks in. They looked older than my mom and younger than my grandmother so i am guessing they were in their 60's. With the rows and rows to choose from they choose the row that i'm sitting in. And the woman is dressed in super cute trendy old lady clothes that totally flatter her and make it known that she has some serious class. So i politely smile at them as they make their way towards me, expecting them to sit near me but leaving a few seats between me and them... nope. She plops down RIGHT next to me. She totally did not follow the social norms of leaving the obligatory empty seat between you and the next person in church. I giggled to myself because i was aware of the norms she was breaking and aware of how slightly uncomfortable it made me and yet i secretly liked it. She took off her trendy little purple cardigan and looked at me, grabbed my hands and said "happy mothers day!.... i don't think that applies to you but happy mothers day anyways..." I smirked at her and laughed a little and told her she was correct that i am not a mother but that i do HAVE a mother. She asked where my mother was and i told her she was in Sacramento (it's too hard to explain the ho-dunk town my mom lives in so sacramento is just easier). We are still holding hands (older women LOVE to hold hands i have noticed) and i ask her about her mothers days plans and she starts talking up a storm about how her children who go to a different church are taking her to lunch blah blah blah blah. Her husband is sitting really manly like not saying a word just flipping through the bulletin while me and Anne (her name was Anne) become BFF's. The service begins with some music and i soon learn that Anne is probably the loudest woman in the church. I mean this chick can sure belt those notes. And i would not be surprised at all if in her younger years she was an opera singer because every single note had that really high pitched vibrating sound that opera singers do. I knew we were destined to be friends after that (she's loud and obnoxious, i'm loud and obnoxious... it's like we're meant to be).

Music is over and the announcement guy gets up and prays and while he does that i notice that Anne's super masculine-tough-and-rough husband discretely and gently reaches over and grabs her hand to hold it as if to let her know and only her (and maybe me because i'm being a creeper and watching them) that he loves her and that together they are embarking on this journey with God. I almost starting crying right then and there. HOW PRECIOUS. i'm sucker for cute older people.

Then i got my soul destroyed in the best possible way by the Word and some serious preaching. And after church is over i collect my things that are strewn over the floor and look over at Anne and wish her a lovely mothers day with her family and she grabs my hand with one of her hands (see what i mean about the hand holding thing?) and puts her other arm around me and starts telling me how glad she is to have sat next to me and then her forehead gets suuuper close to mine so we are now forehead to forehead (like our minds are connecting or something) and she explains how she just wants me to come to lunch with her and her family but we both know that while she does mean it, it's not REALLY going to happen. And then while our foreheads are still touching (not weird at all by this point) we realize that we both got what we wanted. I wanted a mom to sit next to in church and she wanted a daughter to hold hands with. So then i said my goodbyes to Anne and Jim (that's her super-manly-man husband) and got in my car and called my mom to wish her a happy mothers day.

I didn't NEED Anne. I didn't NEED for her to sit next to me and take me under her wing for that hour and a half and for her to decide that I was to be apart of the family, HER family. I would have been completely fine going to church and worshiping the Lord with all of my joy and offering. But God gave me a little gift. He gave me what i WANTED... not necessarily what i NEEDED.

He took delight in me and said in a feint whisper to my heart, "hey baby girl, here is a mom for a few hours... i know you think you are fine without your real mom there to give you a hug and tell you are beautiful and lovely and good but I know you. i know you. I know what your little heart wants even though you're too afraid to actually tell me. I already know it."

Ok. Thanks God. Thanks for not only Loving me but also Liking me.

I forget that... alot. I forget that God actually likes me. I forget that even though i do dumb things and say dumb things and cause the Holy Spirit to grieve for my sins and blatantly disobey the One who gave me life and turn my back on the One who will never turn His back on me, that He loves me anyways. He loves me despite my failings. He loves me despite the wretchedness i can't avoid. He loves me even though sometimes i get pissed at Him and question His motives. He loves me even though I try to be self-dependent and trick myself into thinking i can do this life on my own, without His help. He loves me when i come crawling back every single time... I don't deserve it, i never do. That's the beautiful thing about all of this. I will never deserve His love. I will never deserve His gifts and His blessings.

So i accept them. I accept them knowing that God is in-freaking-credible and that His grace is more than i can even fathom. This little fire cracker named Anne is a perfect example of this. She was my gift this morning. This morning God saw me and He saw what i really wanted and in His grace He gave me Anne.

My prayer for you today (whoever you are, obviously you're cool if you're reading this blog) my prayer for you is that you would experience Gods gift of grace... or His graceful gifts :)  I pray that you would remember that God not only LOVES you but he likes you too. He likes you a whole lot.

-Ames