Fig leaves and bushes

Oh hey all 6 of you who actually read this (that's 2 more than last time!) we appreciate your dedication even when it's been a few weeks since we have blogged :) sometimes school takes precedence... 

Do you ever get in those spiritual dry spells where you're really physically tired and you don't have the energy to cook dinner let alone spend time in the Word? And then when you actually have some energy, you sit down, open up your Bible to where you left off from the last time you read it and decide you should probably pray or something first because isn't there supposed to be some sort of formula to how to do this? So you close your eyes, and then.... nothing... yep... you're still sitting there and now you're just sitting there with your eyes closed. And then you do the whole guilt thing because you think you're supposed to be feeling something profound or saying something profound to the Lord but all that comes out is "Dear God, I am writing this letter because Hi. So..... Ya.... " 

... Ok you caught me. I'm really talking about myself. I know i know i know i know. You're probably thinking Really?!?! That's the reason why you sat down to write something on here time after time only to shut your computer because you felt like you had nothing good or "spiritually impacting" to offer? Girl you crazy. Girl the back of yo head is ridiculous. 

Yea... there it is. Kind of silly and pathetic but we're honest right?

Don't worry, i didn't fall off the deep end :) I did learn something though, which is why i am even writing this dumb thing.

I learned about shame. Weird right? Exactly what i thought when i was learning it!

It wasn't so much not knowing HOW to come before God but WHY I wasn't coming to Him... The reason is straight outta Genesis...

I was hiding. Because i didn't want God to see all of me.

 God is omnipresent so it's not like He's not here with me in every moment of my life.  It’s not like God doesn’t know me. He does. He knows me better than I know myself, so it’s strange that I would want to hide aspects of my life from Him when He sees it all. He sees all the brokenness and sin and hurt. I think it’s shame that does that. I think that’s the feeling I have and the reason why I don’t want to be exposed before my God and King. But He created me. He knows me. And He loves me still. Weird. It’s weird that such a good and mighty and awesome God would love such a feeble, weak, and broken person like myself. It’s weird, but it’s so good and I am so thankful for His love. His unconditional love that breaks down my walls of shame and says to the inner most core of my soul,

“I know you and I love you.” 

 I am known and I am loved despite being fully known, even in my junk and luggage that I drag around so exhaustingly everywhere I go but try so desperately to hide. God sees all of it, he sees all of my baggage and he loves me anyways.

So you see, I actually can't hide from Him. I can't pull any of those tricks Adam and Eve pulled in the garden with the fig leaves and the hiding behind bushes... i try that. I really do. And He just tells me to come out. To come and be with him. He already knows what it's like... what I'm like.

He knows us and He loves us.   <-- see how big that period is. that's for the special umph.

-amy